the Craic
What is the Craic?
In this section we'd like to hear your unique and humorous stories. We will then post them on the site, obviously we have to keep it clean. Informative, fun and useful advice for other users to read is also encouraged. For those of you unfamiliar with the term 'the craic' we've provided a few definitions.
1) Irish word for fun/enjoyment that has been brought into the English language. Usually when mixed with alcohol and/or music. 'Bhi craic agus ceol againn' : We had fun and music. Fun doesn't really cut it though. General banter, good times had by all. Also, a person who is good fun/great company.
It was great craic.
She's great craic when she gets going.
He's great craic when he has a few pints in him.
What's the craic?
How's the craic?
The craic was mighty.
2) The craic (pron. "crack") is the feng shui of a se'siun. It is the combination of the music, the drink, the conversations, the spirit of the surroundings and trying to make headway with people of the opposite sex. The craic is what drives all emotion and music that comes from the soul.
3) The Irish word for fun or a good time, can also be used in conjunction with bad to give bad craic. Obviously the opposite of good craic. Was it good craic?, That's bad craic or in parts of Ireland like Tyrone "we had a deadly nights craic........."
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Your Craic!
WHO IS JACK SCHITT ?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual
way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate,
married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,
and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school
dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt
Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding
announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The
Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from
Italy
with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Lisa Davis, Dublin, Ireland
Have you heard about the magic tractor?
It went down the road and turned into a field!!!!
Brian Kelly, Sydney,NSW
Paddy phones an ambulance
because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears
and I tink both his legs are broken'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28,
Eucalyptus
Street'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.
After a minute:-
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
Silence.
A minute later:-
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me!!?'
This goes on for another few minutes until:-
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me!!?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat. I just dragged him round to number 3, Oak Street'.
C. Sullivan, Sydney NSW
Irish Medical Dictionary
Artery- The study of
paintings
Bacteria -Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Benign - What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean section - A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterise - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Dilate - To live long!
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labour pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical staff - A doctor's cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it!
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post operative - A letter carrier
Recovery room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumour - One plus one more
Urine - Opposite of you're out
2 Condoms - To be sure, to be sure
Kathy O’Shea, New Zealand
Two Irishmen were
standing at the base of a flagpole,
looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, "We're supposed to be finding the bloody height of
this flagpole, but we don't have a bloody ladder."
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag,
loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few
measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, "Isn't that just like a blonde! We
need the bloody height and she gives us the bloody length."
Bernie Lawless, Brisbane, QLD
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of sweg and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"
The husband couldn't
believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said,"That would suit me
just fine!!"
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by
and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he
could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Clare Donnelly, Hobart, TAS
Paddy & Murphy are
working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I’m
mad!'
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M
A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
Sarah O’Neill, Brisbane
Mother Knows Best:
At a senior citizen's meeting, a couple were celebrating
their 50th Anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his
dating habits in his youth. It seemed that every time he brought home a
girl to meet his mother, his mother didn't like her.
So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked
like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his
mother. So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father
didn't like her.
Emer Fitzpatrick, Perth, WA